Am I in control?

I was always wondering about the question, if we can control our thoughts (or even the not-engaging in our thoughts). Sometimes I hear Sydney Banks say you don't control which thoughts come to in your mind, sometimes I hear him say it's our free will (what we are thinking or if we are engaging in the thoughts). This question has accompanied me for about 25 years... Now I saw something interesting: I think it depends on my level of consciousness. There are times when I easily see a stressful thought come up and just let it pass. And other times - even though I can still see it - I'm just not able to disengage from all the thinking. Until I can... Since I can't control the ups and downs of my level of clarity / consciousness / mood I'm back to not being able to control it. But: It seems the more I get into this understanding and experience some 'light-bulb-moments', the less time I seem to spend in an obsessive state of thinking... it's a very funny and mysterious thing to me! 😃❤️