Freedom

I’d like to share with you were I’m at right now.

As I’ve already said before one of the main issues I’m
struggling with is chronic pain.

Over the years I’ve tried everything - from traditional medicine, to all kinds of alternative healing approaches, many therapies and meditations, mindfulness etc., until about half a year ago I started learning about TMS and all the brain science on chronic pain.
What all these approaches have in common is the notion, that being in pain is not okay (which of course seems very understandable) and so they offer you some theory or technique to get rid of it.

Since learning about the principles I’m starting to see something new. I’m experiencing moments, or even days, when I couldn’t care less about the pain. I’m experiencing this deep sense of freedom, that’s not dependent on how freely I can move or what I can do in the outer world.

I’m starting to see that when I’m in a low mood I tend to get very annoyed and frustrated with the pain.
But you know what? If I wouldn’t be in pain, I would get frustrated with something else. I can watch myself picking some kind of content to blame my frustration, anger or desperation on.
And I’m starting to question the truth of it. A lot of times I can’t fully believe in it anymore. I can see the changing nature of my thoughts. I can see my moods rise
and fall. I’m becoming more aware that I believe one thing about my life on one day and another one on another day (or even minute). It all doesn’t seem so solid and so real anymore.

I’m beginning to see that the more ‚urgent‘ something feels, the more convinced I am that something has to be done about this RIGHT NOW, the more likely it is that I’m just caught up in a thought storm.

And there are moments when I feel that this new found freedom, this new way of living my life is so amazing -
if I could exchange this for 'just' being free of physical pain, I wouldn’t do it.

So I don't know, if my pain will go away. I guess it is likely to change, simply because everything changes.
I’ve had some really cool ‚fresh thoughts‘ or insights about pain, I have moments when I can see that the pain
itself is just thought and it doesn't feel like a problem at all.
But every time I’m falling into the illusion that it shouldn’t be there, that the fact that it's still there must mean that I’m doing something wrong, I’m starting to suffer.

What I know now is that there is total freedom, happiness and peace of mind available regardless of the pain.
I think regardless of any circumstance really.
And that’s all that pain is: nothing more or less than any one of an infinite number of things we can experience and live through in this life.
Life is not only made of rainbows and pink fluffy stuff.
It encompasses all kinds of experiences and circumstances. It is infinite.
I can’t control it and I can’t protect myself from it.
And it’s not my job to try and do that! This is such a relief for me! It's not my job to fix it. Whatever 'it' is.

I can try and try and get very stressed out and frustrated... And I'm still doing that. But again and again there are these blissful times when I fall out of it. When I regain this sense of connectedness to something far bigger than me.
And I just know that I'm being taken care of.
And that there really is nothing to fear.

So what I hope to share with you is that this feeling of security and peace and love we are all looking for is always available, right in the middle of it all. In the middle of all the chaos and messiness und imperfection. It's really always just one new thought away.

❤️❤️❤️