I'm seeing something funny, not sure if I can express it... It's like my (personal) mind is always looking for an 'either-or' answer. But every time I see something new or true (for me), it's an 'neither-nor and both' answer.
Like for example my personal opinions about stuff (the world, politics, my neighbor) aren't important or unimportant - they are both. They are illusionary and changing and futile, because they are just made-up and have nothing to do with what's happening AND they are my unique expression and experience of life itself. I realized nobody will ever see the world the way I do. To me - knowing there are 7 billions people alone on this planet - that makes my view of the world super-unimportant and super precious at the same time. But precious in a new sense, not in the sense of having to impose my way on other people, more like precious to just experience them. In my own unique way.
Or being connected to people - I realized I always live in my own separate reality and will never completely understand or see someone elses. And I'm only ever interacting with my experience of the other person, never with them directly. And at the same time on a deeper level, I am deeply connected (or maybe I even am) any other person. There is this part of me, the one that watches everything happen, that feels like it's the same in everyone.
Or time - a few days ago I suddenly thought 'oh my god, this will never end. consciousness will just go on being conscious in one form or another forever and ever' and it pretty much blew my mind and scared the shit out of me for some reason. And a little later I became aware, that every freaking moment in this infinite life-living-itself thing, which is way too big for my mind to understand, is just for me to experience, right now, and will never come back.
And what used to be my biggest question of all: Who the **** did this pain thing? Was it me?? Or is Life/God somehow punishing/testing me?? Since maybe a month this question has disappeared and I was kind of wondering in the back of my mind, why it has gone, even though I can't articulate an answer. I have a feeling though. A feeling of peace. And of freedom, from the struggle with the question. The thing is, the answers seem to somehow 'transcend' or 'collapse' the categories my mind has made up while asking the question. Very funny thing. 😊
Kommentar schreiben